It SUCKS.

He sucks, she sucks, they suck.

My son has decided that he no longer wants to take a paci, rather he wants to use me. So there we are, for what seems like all day, with him sucking the life out of me. Seriously.

He can be in a great mood, but when he gets sleepy he wants to nurse until he goes to sleep even, if he's not hungry. This poses a problem with his reflux because he's overeating, which makes his stomach hurt, which makes him want to suck more.

I know he does it for comfort, and I love that I'm able to provide that for him like no one else. But I have things to do. I have a house that needs to be cleaned, dishes that need to be washed, laundry that needs to be done, and homework that needs to be turned in. Not only am I a mother, I'm a wife and a full-time student too. As if all of this isn't hard enough to do, now he wants to stay on me constantly as his pacifier.

There's nothing I enjoy more than our feeding times. The way his big eyes stare into mine and his soft little hands rub my chest, it makes my heart melt. But I can't keep being a paci.

I don't know how to get him back to a paci. I'm trying to hold one in his mouth until he takes it, and that works sometimes, but then sometimes he screams. He screams like someone is murdering him. Which they aren't. I am just murdering his feelings by not popping a boob in his mouth.

Anyway.

I can see this is going to be a war. Not a battle, but a war. This is going to be a long, tiring, ear-bleeding war.

I will update.

And as always, DON'T GIVE UP BREASTFEEDING! Even though I am venting about a giant annoyance brought on by breastfeeding, there is no way I would stop or take back the time we have.

So even if you are having super issues, don't freak out and don't give up. Stay milky, my ladies.

Supply and demand

OK ladies, we've all worried about our supply at some point or another. Whether it's "I'm making so much, I can't leave my baby/pump" or "I'm not making enough to feed my baby."

So what do you do?

At first, I was making milk FOR DAYS. I'm talking about pumping five ounces from each breast AND feeding my son. I didn't realize how lucky I was then, and I certainly didn't take advantage of it.

Now there are times when I'm barely making enough to pump a bottle.

It's hard. I have taken Fenugreek (sp?) vitamins and they really helped me, but once my supply was built back up, I stopped taking them. The hardest thing for me is that since my son thinks that sleep is for the weak, I take in a lot of caffeine. I'm also ridiculously addicted to chocolate.

The lot of caffeine and little water makes for a bad combination when breastfeeding. But how do I stay awake otherwise? I know, it's a million-dollar question.

Even though I haven't been on top of my A-game when it comes to amount produced, I have been mindful of everything I do or don't do. If I am completely sleep deprived and know I'm going to need a lot of coffee, I try to make sure that, even when I don't want to, I down a lot of water. As you know, this can be hard.

Something I've found useful is flavored water, especially flavored sparkling water. It tastes almost like a soda, but it's since it's water, I'm getting a good taste and better milk production. Another thing I like is the add-in flavors. I prefer the liquid kind that can be squeezed into water more than the powder stuff. It gives the water flavor, which helps to down it faster and drink more.

These are just a couple of things that have helped me, so please feel free to share what's helped you!

As always, don't give up. Breastfeeding is demanding and can be a pain in the ass, but it's SO worth it.

Don't give up

It started on November 15, 2013:

I had just given birth and the nurses said I should go ahead and try to feed my new baby.

He was still pretty groggy from the drugs I had to induce labor and treat pain. He wouldn't latch on. What was I going to do? How was my child going to eat? I didn't want to give him formula, I wanted him to eat from me.

I laid in postpartum and they brought him in to me to eat again. I was still having trouble feeding him. When he would latch on, everything was great, it was just getting him to that point that was hard. The nurses would comment about what a good latch he had and how he was going to be good at breastfeeding. But in my mind, I didn't understand how--I couldn't even get him to latch without trouble. That night, I still wasn't able to get him to latch by myself, and this sent me into freak out mode. 

I sat in bed and cried. I didn't know how I was going to feed him, and the nurse mentioned something about me using a shield and putting formula on it to make him latch. I didn't want him to latch because he wanted formula, I wanted him to latch because he wanted me. 

By the time we got home, he was latching better. I never used the shield and I never used formula. My point of this post is that if you're having trouble feeding, don't give up! 

Breastfeeding is hard to start, and it's even a little bit annoying at first, but it's so worth it. The bond I have with my son, the way his eyes follow me, it's amazing. 

One of my favorite parts of our feedings is when he holds my hand, or he looks up at me with his big eyes. Breastfeeding gives us a snippet of time together that's just us. I'm the only one he wants, and that's a good feeling. This time is our time. 

If you're having trouble, don't be afraid to ask for help, and most importantly, just keep trying.