So much has happened since I last posted. The gym thing? Yeah, that's not working like I thought it would.
Don't get me wrong, I still want to go...I just haven't. Plus when I went to the gyno, I had gained three pounds. What a drag.
Speaking of the gyno, here's a story I hope you like.
Picture this.
I have Connor dressed and I am dressed and we are ready to get this visit over with. We walk into the building, Connor still strapped in his seat, and he's being great. He's quiet, looking around, everything is going smoothly.
I get back to my doctor's bay and the nurse asks me if I want to go ahead and give a urine sample. I said yes and lugged Connor into the restroom.
Here's where things get tricky.
I have my pants down and a cup at my vagina, trying to pee in it. Connor is starting to fuss. The whole time, I'm saying, "It's OK, Mommy is right here. I'm almost done. Just give me a second."
My six month old didn't understand.
I finish peeing and at this point, he's screaming. I know everyone can hear him, so I hurry and pull my pants up, dispose of the cleaning pads, wash my hands and try to get out of that confined space.
Then the nurse wants to weigh me. Connor was quiet for about half a second while I wallowed in self pity and wanted nothing more than a giant chocolate chip cookie.
We get in the room. I sit Connor's seat in front of me while I sit in the chair beside the nurse's desk. I'm trying to answer her questions and tell her my concerns all while Connor screams like we have no idea he's sitting right in front of me.
I get Connor out of his seat and sit him in my lap. The nurse tells me to undress and that the doctor will be in in a few minutes.
So here I am, holding Connor and taking my clothes off at the same time. Now the kid is pretty chunky, so this wasn't an easy feat. I sat him on the table and put one hand on him (because I could not deal with him falling off) while I take the rest of my clothes off.
Then, I pick him up, get on the table myself, wrap my body in two oversized napkins and wait.
BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!
He decides he wants to play with the giant napkin over my boobs. Go ahead Connor, have at it.
So now one side of the napkin is ripped and my left breast is exposed. It isn't exposed for long though, because Connor lunges at it with his face. Whatever. So I'm laying on this table, naked, with my legs in stirrups and Connor is latched onto me like a leech.
Then the doctor comes in. At this point, the napkins are merely just there. They aren't covering me up. They aren't doing anything.
"Oh, you're nursing. I'll come back," said the doctor.
"No, it's fine. Really." I say.
"No, I don't mind coming back if you want to finish," she said, clearly OK with waiting on me.
"He's not eating. He's not even hungry. He's just there." I say, ready for this ordeal to be over with.
So now, the doctor starts examining me while my son is still on top of me. As she examines my right breast, I move him over to the left side, and move him to the right when she examines my left. Then I hold him on the side of the bed while she presses on my stomach.
Now is the fun part.
I just have him. I have him on top of me, with a boob in his mouth, while she looks at all my lady parts. As uncomfortable as an annual exam is, it was so much better with 18 pounds laying on my stomach/chest area. I didn't even feel the duck beal.
When the whole thing is over and I ask about the issues I was concerned with, I lay Connor in his seat and let him scream while I hurriedly put my clothes on.
After I strap him in and we leave the room, heading to the check-out, he's great! Everyone commented on how cute he was and how good he was.
Yeah. OK.
I have never been so happy to leave the OBGYN and get into my minivan.
What a day.
What. A. Day.
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